As far as ending relationships go, there is one major rule everyone knows but few follow. If you think about it, it’s pretty much common sense to never, ever break this rule. Are you ready?
History Lesson #1 – Don’t be friends with your ex right away
The key to this lesson is that it extends beyond the right away part. If you want an honest opinion, you may as well take out the “right away” and make it “never.” I wouldn’t call that over-dramatic. I would call it the first step to self-preservation.
You’ve heard it a dozen times, but for some reason, it’s not sinking in. A lot of people think they are strong enough to handle being friends with their ex right away. But it’s time to ask yourself why you are even doing it. Here are a few excuses why you let yourself become friends with your ex, and the real translation behind them (i.e. – the lies you are telling yourself).
Don’t lie to yourself
“We were friends longer than we were boyfriend and girlfriend.”
Translation – I don’t want anyone else to be closer to them than me.
That excuse may be true, but things changed after you started dating. You can’t forget the whole dating thing happened. While you may have been friends in the first place, your friendship was taken to a new level. It became a different category entirely. The problem lies in the fact you don’t want anyone else to replace you as a close friend. This is especially true now that you aren’t the biggest part of their life anymore. It sucks, but that’s what moving on is all about.
“We are in the same circle of friends, and we don’t want our friends to feel uncomfortable.”
Translation – I don’t want all of my friends to choose them over me.
In a blatant attempt to keep your friends on your side, you play nice with your ex so no one has to choose. But in reality, you have no control over the choosing part unless you lay down the law with your friends. Whether you ask or beg your friends to be on your side is up to you. But what you shouldn’t do is feel uncomfortable in social situations for the rest of the year because you and your partner broke up. Back out of the group scene for a while, and your true friends will want to spend time with you wherever you choose to do so.
“We’ve been together too long to cut off the relationship cold turkey.”
Translation – Neither of us are ready (especially you) to see our ex with someone else.
Who is? That’s one of the hardest parts. But in a college town, everyone has to deal with it. It comes with the territory of dating within a small social group or college town. It’s better to cut it off cold turkey in order to start the emotional healing process immediately. If you continue to talk, text or hook up, it will only extend the time it takes to move on.
Being friends with your ex right away is a bad move, but don’t be enemies right away either. Things can escalate fast, and soon enough it’s a war zone. Remember, when befriending the ex, only one person gets what they want. Therefore, if you must do it, make sure it’s you.
Have you, or anyone you know backed out of breaking up? Why?